For All Eternity
by BMC1984
Summary: What happened after Esme jumped? Just a sweet one shot from Esme's POV as Carlisle and Edward help her adjust to life as a vampire.


**This is just a little one shot I wrote to get over some writes block.**

**I've haven't read much on Carlisle and Esme's history but this is my version. **

**To all those C&E fans out there *cough*kkFush *cough* lol I hope the story doesn't disappoint. **

**And as Always I don't own any of the characters, But Christmas is coming *winks***

They say that hearing is the last of the senses to go. They're right I realized as I listened to the nurses and orderly's talk over my body.

"It's a damn shame."

"She looks like she could have been a knockout."

"What a waste."

"Yeah, but she had to have been crazy."" True, nobody in their right mind would jump off that cliff unless they had a death wish."

"Looks like she got what she wanted."

"Damn, shame." I heard the first voice mumble again. "Was probably one sexy broad."

"Show some respect." A female voice chastised the men. Why? Why did I deserve to have any respect. My life was an utter failure and now here I am lying here in a state somewhere between the dead and the living. As much as I hoped I was dead a part of me realized that wasn't true. Somehow I had survived. Fear set in and I tried to scream, tried to move, tried to give them some sign that I was still alive. Would they bury me alive?

"I'll go get Dr. Cullen. He can sign the death certificate and then we'll get her down to the morgue." The kinder female voice said. Did she just say Dr. Cullen? The same Dr. Cullen who treated me ten years ago in Ohio? I had always hoped that fate would lead me back to him. I had never expected fate to be so cruel only to let our paths cross again as he was signing my death certificate.

"Esme?" I would know that voice anywhere, it was the same melodious voice I fell in love with at sixteen. I felt a cool hand caress my cheek.

"You know her?"

"Yes, I treated her before at the hospital I was previously employed at." his voice shook with pain as he spoke of our first meeting.

He had to have seen thousands of patients since that day. Why had he remembered me? Surely I was nothing special.

"I will personally see that she is transported to the morgue." he said as I heard the squeaky sound of the wheels rolling along the tile.

No, this can't be happening. Surely I wasn't meant to spend an eternity in this body buried in the ground? Was this God's sick joke? Was there really no such thing as an afterlife. He continued to push the stretcher and I listened as the background noise faded, until the only noise I could hear was the wheels rolling across the floor.

"Esme, Don't give up on me. I'm going to make this better." Dr. Cullen whispered into my ear as he pushed the stretcher. He knew? He knew I was still alive? Why was he not doing anything to save me? What did he mean don't give up on me? What was left fighting for? I had finally broke free from Charles, I had my life planned out, I would have my baby and become a teacher. Neither of those things had worked out. I had failed as being a mother, failed at life.

I heard a door close and within seconds he cradled me in his arms holding me closely to my chest I felt the cool touch of him against my cheek as he began running.

What was he doing? Why was he taking me further from the hospital. Shouldn't he be doing surgery or something to try and fix me. Maybe I was just unfixable.

"I'm going to help you. I promise. You need to trust me." He spoke to me as if he knew I was able to hear him. As much as I shouldn't have I couldn't help but trust him. He had been the man of my dreams for years.

"Carlisle." I heard an angry voice approach.

A moment of silence.

"But.."

Another moment of silence; it appeared to be a one way conversation, maybe I was missing something.

"Enough Edward." his voice remained calm although commanding as he spoke for the first time since he had spoke to me.

"Fine!" A door slammed and we were alone again.

"Esme." Dr. Cullen's voice remained calm. "In a few seconds you are going to experience the worst pain you have ever experienced. I promise it won't last. And I promise you, when it's all over you will never experience pain again. I promise I will never hurt you."

What was he talking about? My mind was so confused, I wanted to know what was happening? Why was he doing this to me.

"I love you." He whispered as he cupped his hand around my cheek and gently kissed my forehead.

Did he just say he loved me? Never had anyone said those words to me with such honesty and sincerity. For a brief moment I felt truly loved.

That love was quickly replaced with the feeling immense pain as I felt a stabbing sensation from what I could only imagine as his teeth as they ripped open the flesh around my neck. I heard a horrible blood curdling scream, it took me a moment to realize that it was my lips in which the terrible noise came from.

My whole body was engulfed in pain; I felt as if I was being consumed by fire. I wanted desperately for it to stop, wanted to move, to scream. I felt as if I was screaming but I was uncertain if it was real. Could anyone actually hear me. How could Carlisle have done this to me.

I couldn't tell you how long the fire consumed me. Time had no meaning in my present condition. For all I knew years could have gone by as I lay there. Suddenly the burning began to reside, either it resided or I was becoming accustomed to it, it was hard to tell anything about anything. Slowly I began to become more aware of my surroundings. A hand was placed on mine which I assumed was Carlisle's along with the hand I also noticed the sound of slow steady breathing which I also assumed was him. Further away came the sound of a piano playing softly. I listened to the song for nine minutes and thirty seven seconds before realizing I was able to once again maintain time. Actually even better than I had ever been able to before.

The piano stopped and I heard footsteps enter the room. "It's almost done." I faintly recognized the voice as if I had heard it before but I couldn't place it.

"You can hear her?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"Yes, I have been able to since she arrived. I'm sorry I didn't mention it everything up until now has been muffled and hard to read."

Wait, were they talking about me? I hadn't said anything had I? My mind filled with questions I felt would never be answered. I tried to think back, remember what had led me to be in this situation. My memory was fuzzy but I saw flashes of Charles coming home from the war, shoving me against the wall making up for lost time while he was away. My son; lying there limp in my arms. Looking down over the ledge of the cliff as I leaned forward spreading my arms as I plummeted towards the ground. Dr. Cullen's soft voice telling me not to give up, promising to make everything better. How could he keep that promise? Obviously I was not getting any better. How I longed to be able to distract myself, the piano had been a nice distraction. I tried to shut down my mind as I lay there wondering if and when that distraction would come along again.

"She like's it when I play." the voice stated as if reading my mind as the footsteps receded. How did he know that?

"Edward son," The footsteps paused and I realized where I recognized the voice. Edward the one that had been arguing with Dr. Cullen. I listened as Dr. Cullen continued speaking. "I'm sorry, I was selfish and I never intended to hurt you."

"Carlisle, if anyone deserves this it's you. You've been alone far too long."

Another moment of silence.

"You will have a lot of explaining but she love's you, love conquers all right?"

More silence, I was growing used to this, I knew not to expect to hear Carlisle speak, it seemed as if he could communicate without speaking. I awaited Edwards response.

"A happy little dysfunctional family" Edward mused. "What do you want me to say? Welcome to the most unusual family in America mom?"

Did he just call me mom?

Edward chuckled.

"You're going to have a lot of explaining. I will be in the other room." I heard Edwards footsteps as he exited the room.

"I wrote this one for you Esme. I hope it can help you." Although distant I could hear his voice in the other room as a beautiful melody filled the room.

"He's a good boy." Carlisle clasped his hand more tightly over mine.

"Esme, Edward tells me you can understand what we are saying. I need to tell you some things, just remember I am with you throughout all of this." He paused for a minute as he composed his words. "Esme, I am not like most men. I was born in London in the 1640's." What was he saying? That couldn't be, that would make him nearly two hundred and eighty years old.

"When I was in my mid twenties I was attacked and left for dead, I just didn't realize what kind of dead I would be. We have an eternity to go over the details, so long as that is what you wish. But I must tell you what I am, what you are becoming, before you awake."

"Esme, I am a vampire." Wait, he said, what I was becoming. He turned me into a vampire? While I didn't know much about vampires I knew they weren't real. I tried to remember, I could recall reading Bram Stroker's Dracula while Charles was away. The memory was blurry but I remembered it scared me enough to loose sleep at night.

"Esme, we, Edward and I are not like other vampires. How you live is up to you, but we hope you will join us in our family."

Family? They wanted me in their family? I thought of Edward's comment earlier, although I hadn't seen him, he sounded older, surely he didn't need a mother. Was Carlisle looking for a wife? While I could never dream of Carlisle treating me as Charles had was I ready to get married again? What did they expect out of me.

"Esme, we will discuss this more when you are able as well. I just had to tell you. You're going to be done with the change shortly. Please remain calm, don't leave me until we have a chance to speak."

Leave him? Why would I want to leave him?

I listened as Edwards fingers ran back through the song he said he composed for me, it was lovely. It had quickly become the most beautiful song I have ever heard, my own personal song, my favorite song.

I could begin to feel my fingers, my toes, my arms and legs, I wiggled my toes. They felt like they were moving. I went to wiggle my fingers and before I could control my actions I was crouched down on my hands and knee's on the bed hovering over Dr. Cullen. If I thought Carlisle was beautiful before he was even more gorgeous now. Everything around me was so much clearer, every object so defined. It was like I had never clearly seen anything before. I shifted my wait realizing I was still in a defensive stance.

"Esme." his voice calmed my nerves but did little to help the burning in my throat.

"Your throat burns." He stated. I nodded my head.

"You're thirsty." he explained. He was right I had this strong desire to quench the burning in my throat. I lifted my head and inhaled, from out the window I could smell someone about six hundred feet away. My head instinctively turned towards the scent. "Esme, no." I heard Dr. Cullen but I couldn't turn back towards him. "Esme, look at me. It is not our way. It doesn't have to be like that."

I felt his hand wrap around mine, as he pulled me towards him. Instincts kicked in I heard myself snarl as I pushed his hand away. To my surprise he went flying across the room. Within seconds a tall bronze hair boy was protectively standing at his side It had to have been Edward. I wondered why they kept their distance why they stood at guard ready to attack. I soon realized it was me they were scared of.

"Esme, you're much stronger than me right now." I was confused about what was happening to me but pleased to see he wasn't hurt as he slowly approached me once again. "Will you take my hand? Follow me and I will help you."

Everything was so confusing my mind was racing processing a hundred different things at once. I extended my hand to him, he set his hand in mine. "Follow me."

We took off running, I had never ran so fast in my life yet I wasn't out of breath. In fact I realized I didn't need to breath at all. After a few minutes we stopped in a small clearing in the woods. I tried to listen, tried to focus as he explained to me how he only fed off of animals. It didn't smell as appetizing, as tempting as that human I had smelt earlier but at this point I would do anything to relieve the burning in my throat.

He was right, I did feel better after I had fed. "Only three deer?' He chuckled as I stood in the field surveying the remains of my meal. Was that wrong? The confusion must have been obvious on my face.

"It's fine Esme. I only joked because Edward took down five the first time he hunted."

"Dr. Cullen." I spoke realizing it was the first time I had spoken since I said goodbye to the world and jumped from the cliff. My voice sounded different, was that really me that had said that? My head started racing back and forth to different things as I became distracted.

"Esme, please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle." I spoke realizing I could no longer remember what it was I had intended to say.

After a few moments of silence he spoke for me. "It's confusing at first. It will get easier." he reassured me. "Would you like to go back now. I will introduce you to Edward, tell you our story."

I was torn, instinct told me to run, to hunt, to do what felt natural. My heart if I still had one told me to stay. One look into his eyes and I was reminded of all of the kindness and compassion he had shown to me. Too scared to hear myself speak, to hear what I knew was not my voice I simply nodded my head. He extended his hand to me. I placed my hand in his as we began to run back to the house.

*~*~*~*~ Eleven months later~*~*~*~*~

"I'm going to go for a walk." I said to Edward as I walked out the front door._ Please don't listen_ I pleaded in my head with him.

"Esme…" He began to protest. My hand flew up to silence him. I could feel my anger and frustration begin to escalate. I hadn't slipped up yet, hadn't given them any reason to doubt me. All I asked for was a few minutes to myself, to be able to think without interruption. Carlisle would be home from work in a few hours, like usual he would want to hunt, actually just thinking about hunting sent a scorching pain down my throat.

Stop it Esme. I shook off the urge and tried to regain focus. It was becoming easier to resist, I reminded myself how far I had come in the past months. Surely Edward would not let me out of the house with these type of thoughts.

"Esme, we are not holding you hostage." Edward stepped towards me. "Don't go too far and I will try not to listen."

_Thank you_ I smiled as I walked out the door.

Moments later I heard Edwards fingers intricately dancing across the piano keys and recognized the melody as the song he had composed for me. I sat down on a bolder on the western edge of the property overlooking the ridge. I thought about it a moment and stood. It seemed so unnatural for me to just sit there. Sure Carlisle was always encouraging me to sit, and blink, and fidget, all the things he assured me would better reincorporate myself into normal society. He and Edward made it look so natural. Why did it all seem so foreign to me.

I closed my eyes trying to remember what it was like, to be human, to live and love. Carlisle always told me to hang on to my human memories the good ones, the ones I would want to remember for all eternity. All eternity. Those words hung in my head as I tried to grasp exactly how long that was.

My memories drifted back to a more recent memory. Two nights ago Carlisle and I had been hunting, after I fed I caught him looking at me. Looking back I realize it is no different than the way he has always looked at me, I just hadn't truly noticed it before. Looking at him that night I saw the look of a man in love. I don't know what compelled me next as I stood and slowly approached him. Walking to him until there was less than a centimeters space between us. Was it this easy? Could I possibly have these feelings, these emotions that seemed all too human? I stood there immobile as he slowly lifted his hand and carefully pushed a strand of hair from my face, gently tucking it behind my ear. The simple gesture was more than I could handle. I turned sharply and ran, not realizing until I was a little over eight hundred feet away that I had knocked him over. I was torn, part of me wanted to go back, to apologize, that thought was quickly silenced by my true feral nature as I continued running. I heard his footsteps gaining on me as he called out to me. "Esme, I'm sorry." I cringed at his words as I kept running. "Please come home." He whispered before turning and heading back in the direction of home. I stopped as well. He had apologized to me? He had no reason to apologize to me. What had he done but show a simple gesture of love and affection. I turned back towards home and was greeted by his smile as he sat there hovering over a medical book when I walked in the door. He never mentioned our earlier tryst, just carried on the night as if it were any other, neither of us speaking of the incident again.

I paced around the field contemplating the situation. If our kind could love and coexist why hadn't Carlisle found someone in all these years? Of course he had Edward but that wasn't the same. Why hadn't he formed a bond with a female, was it not meant to be?

I heard Edwards quick footsteps at the edge of the field. "Would you mind if I explained something?" he asked quietly. I debated his request for a moment. "I don't mean to pry, it's just that I want to help."

How could I say no to him? He has been such a remarkable help the past few months. I slowly nodded wondering what he would say that could possibly help.

"I've had the opportunity to see a lot of things, things people wouldn't normally share." He began to explain. "I agree it's not right, and I try to block these things but sometimes it's nice to have hope. I haven't met many others of our kind but through Carlisle's memories I have experienced hundreds of them, seen there actions and sensed their feelings as Carlisle remembers them. From what I have seen the bond between two mates is almost unbreakable. It's a much deeper relationship than that of a man and woman and it's not something Carlisle takes lightly." He paused for a moment as I let everything sink in. "What I am trying to say is yes Esme. Yes Carlisle does love you and you can love him. It may have taken him a while to find you but I can see the difference in him since he's found you."

I was speechless. _Thank you _

"I'll be inside." Edward smiled as he turned back and ran for the house. Seconds later I was comforted by a new song. While it had remnants of my song it was something new, something for Carlisle and I, It was our song.

That evening Carlisle was shocked by my eagerness to hunt. It wasn't just the hunt that made me excited anymore, I was now also thrilled by the thought of being alone with him. It had been over a week since he had fed so unlike most nights where he stood back and watched he hunted with me as well. Like always he respectably gave me my distance and like always he was finished before me, standing in the clearing watching me as I finished.

I glanced over at him and just like two nights ago I stood and walked towards him. I stopped just centimeters away from him, inhaling his rugged earthy scent just like two nights ago. Although tonight I didn't let my insecurities hold me back. This was going to be the man I spent all eternity with. I flung my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. He didn't react, he stood there frozen. Embarrassed I quickly pulled away. I silently cursed myself for being wrong, for being so foolish. I stepped back prepared to run when his arms encircled me and he pulled me closer to him as his lips crashed into mine. I frantically ran my hands up his chest, around his neck, twisting my fingers into his hair as I pulled myself closer to him.

"Esme." He moaned my name against my lips as his hands traveled down my back. I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed to be closer to him now than I had ever felt before. Without thinking I leapt up into him wrapping my legs around his waist, sending both of our bodies to the ground. I'd forgotten how much stronger I was than him. I smiled slightly embarrassed yet willing to push past my insecurities as I leaned down to kiss him.

Without warning he playfully chuckled as he flipped us over pinning me down. His lips grazed mine as he nibbled on my lower lip. My arms wrapped around his neck as I lifted myself closer to him desperately needing to be closer to him. He lowered me back to the ground, I tried to resist, yet still trying to control my strength, if I pushed back too hard I may have sent him flying across the field. Defeat was easier to accept as I felt his lips travel down my neck, his fingers slowly unbuttoning my dress, his lips tracing a path along each area of newly exposed flesh.

He brought himself back up to me lowering his face to mine. I couldn't hold back any longer, I needed him now more than I had ever needed someone. This was the man I would spend forever with, the man that would love me for all eternity. I lifted my head, my lips softly brushing over his. "I'm yours." I whispered into his mouth, "For all eternity."

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